hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
