Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
