your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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