Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
