last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
