I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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