Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sacagawea was the original milf.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
