Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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