You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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