i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
