I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
