I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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