I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
