What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
