how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
