Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
