so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
