I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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