Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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