hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
