I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
