All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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