I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
