You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
