I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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