wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think my fart just growled at me.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
