Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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