Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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