ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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