This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
