I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
