a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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