I wanna passion pit in your ass
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
