the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
