I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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