No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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