I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
