dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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