Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
