I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
