yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
