I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
