the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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