What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
