i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
