Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
