Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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