if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
