I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
