so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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