so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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