Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
