I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
