Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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